If It Comes Back It's Yours
by CardioQueen
Summary: Cristina travels to Baltimore in search of answers from the man who left her at the altar.
1. Chapter 1

The salty sea air tickled her nose as she took in a deep breath. A smile threatened to turn up her lips, but she easily bit it back. She wasn't really the type who smiled at sentimental things anyway, nor would she allow herself to be sentimental in this moment. She had come here for a purpose. She had descended upon Baltimore with one intention and one intention only.

She wanted to know why. She wanted answers. She wanted closure.

Cristina Yang never did well without knowing _all_ the facts.

Her pace picked up slightly as she approached the edifice of Johns Hopkins, the hospital he had finally decided to grace with his talent. She figured he'd been hiding behind his mama the rest of the time, but she wasn't too sure. She added that to her mental checklist of questions to ask.

Her decision to make the trip here wasn't a hard one. People walked in and out of Seattle Grace without consequence like it was a revolving door. Even more importantly, Webber was a teddy bear. All she had to do was put some visine drops in her eyes, pinch her cheeks a little bit and hyperventilate and she had him in the palm of her hand. He told her to take all the time that she needed and her position would be waiting for her.

Then he wished her luck.

Cristina knew at that point that the _only_ reason that he wished her luck is because Erica Hahn is an insufferable bitch and nothing would please him more than to have Burke stroll back into Seattle Grace and put her in her place. Or a different place.

If Cristina allowed herself to entertain the thought of him actually coming back, she would vote for Hahn going to a different place. However, she wasn't entertaining that thought. It had nothing to do with getting him back or making him fall in love with her.

She just needed answers. She felt as if she were suspended in animation, in this place of longing and yearning and hatred and love and a mix of other _emotions._

Cristina Yang didn't do emotions, and she knew it. She needed her answers to work through it, to get over the gooey emotions and the feeling empty crap. _That's_ what made her come to Baltimore. That's what made her stalk his name on the medical registration lists, trying to track down his license, trying to see where he'd accepted a position.

Because she certainly wasn't a stalker.

The hospital was massive, but more aged than Seattle Grace. It had a quiet dignity about it that seemed to suit him. She had silently hoped that he was happy here, and then kicked herself for it. She doesn't care about him or his happiness. Or his job.

Answers. She was here for answers.

She was also here at the hospital, because she knew that being in his apartment, had she chosen to go there would have been a bad idea. Cristina was hard up and she knew that he was good in bed, but that would have only led to a host of new problems and she wasn't ready to go there.

Cristina was only here to get her answers and leave.

Strange glances were cast her way as she wandered the corridors of the surgical unit of the hospital in her street clothes, completely unrecognized. She couldn't wait until everybody knew who she was, fell back at the sight of her because _she_ was the best cardiothoracic surgeon in the country. For now, all she heard was whispers and a few people trying to stop her, but she kept walking. She had a purpose and she couldn't let somebody slow her up.

He was right where she had pictured him in her head, standing just as she thought he would be.

Preston Burke stood in front of the surgical board, with his arms folded behind his back as he studied it closely. The board was yellowed from age and specks of color marred it from neglect to fully wipe away a name or some sort of vital information.

Cristina walked up beside him, surveying the schedule herself. She wanted so badly in that moment to be working here. He had a host of surgeries that she would kill to scrub in on- stuff that she hadn't seen since he'd left. "Nice schedule, Burke." She finally quipped without looking at him.

Burke did his best not to spin on his heel and face her then. He didn't even have to look to know that it was Cristina. He knew that voice, that tone. He could almost _feel_ her next to him. He finally turned slowly to face her, his eyes finding hers almost immediately. "Cristina," He breathed her name, and it was a breath of fresh air when he'd been surrounded by stale oxygen for months.

She hated the way that he said her name, the way he looked at her. Goosebumps prickled her skin, well hidden under her sweater and leather jacket. She wasn't going to let him in. Not this time. "Rule number one, you're not allowed to say my name like that."

"Excuse me?" He asked, his brow raised high.

Cristina took a moment to steel herself against him, every one of his actions that she used to find arousing and attractive. She was angry with herself for not doing it before she got here. That was a less than efficient use of time. When she finally spoke, she laced her tone with an iciness that would be unmistakable. "I'm here for answers, and you're going to give them to me. You _owe_ me that much."

"I have a surgery," He answered slowly, still taken aback that she was here. He should have seen it coming. She was bold like that. Brazen. Despite everything, she was still his Cristina.

She picked up a dry erase marker and moved into the small space between him and the board, erasing his first surgery of the day. She calmly put it back down and moved as far away from him as she could without making it obvious that she still couldn't handle being that close to him. She rubbed her hands together to get the residue from a million surgeries off of her skin before she gave him a pointed glance, "Now you don't."

"Cristina," He couldn't help but chuckle at her a little bit.

"Burke," She responded coolly.

"Scrub in with me. Scrub in with me and then I'll tell you whatever you want." He offered. He knew it was her weak spot, and he knew that she wouldn't be able to say no to that. It was a bloodless valve replacement.

"If your hand so much touches mine, I'll stab you with the closest shiny sharp object and then _you'll_ need surgery."

"Can you say shiny sharp object three times fast?" He asked with a smirk, "And who says I _want _to touch you? I may not want to touch you at all." Burke knew that he was lying, but he could keep the same cool exterior that she could.

Cristina didn't even take a moment to ponder it. Surgery was her weakness. "Shut up and get me some scrubs." She muttered, looking away from him. He walked away to do just that and she stood there waiting for him. She knew that she _shouldn't_ be scrubbing in with him, but it was still an efficient use of time. Despite the fact that she wanted to hate him, he was still one of the best and she could learn a lot from him.

Burke returned with a set of faded surgical greens and extended them for her. "OR 8." He told her simply, "Scrub room is around the corner on the right. Locker room is right behind you." He walked away from her with a small grin on his face. Burke was a believer in second chances and romance and true love. He had let her go, and she came back. It had to be a sign. He had played multiple scenarios out in his head and he wasn't going to waste the opportunity to put them into action.

Cristina ran her hands over the scrubs. They were soft and thin, such a stark contrast to the scrubs that were still new and stiff in her hospital. As she walked towards the locker rooms, she made a promise to herself that she wasn't going to fall into this or any other trap she had set for him. She was here for answers and answers only. There would be no more surgery after this, no dinners, no wine, no kissing and definitely no sex.

As she pushed open the door to the locker room, this strange feeling settled over her and she ignored it, focusing instead on getting ready. The whole purpose of her trip was to get rid of feelings, not to acknowledge them.

And she would do that.

Right after surgery.


	2. Chapter 2

Cristina stood in the scrub room at Burke's side after the surgery. She couldn't help but smile to herself as she scrubbed out. Surgery always left her on this indescribable high that nobody could ruin. Well, almost nobody.

"Are you hungry? Perhaps we can go back to my apartment and I can make you some paella. I know it's your favorite." He offered in a quiet voice. He knew everything he had to do to convince her that what he had done was the right thing. All he had to do was break through the tough shell she'd assuredly built around herself the second he walked away.

The problem with that shell was that she hadn't given herself enough time to build it up, to make it the impenetrable fortress that it once was. She would be easier to get through to this time.

He was sure of it.

She looked over at him with a cold glance, pulling her hands from under the stream of water and shook her head, "I'm here for answers. Not for food. Not for you to pretend like you know everything about me and even more that you _care._ Just answers."

"Well, you can have your answers. But it wouldn't hurt to have dinner with it. I'm sure that you're hungry. It was a long surgery." He replied smoothly. He wasn't going to raise his voice or let it waver. He would keep his calm and that more than anything would drive her insane.

"You're not my _husband_, in case you've forgotten." She replied in a bitter tone.

"I assure you that I haven't. It's a thought that keeps me up every night and lingers in the forefront of my mind every day. "

Cristina crossed her arms over her chest, "You're unbelievable. You act like I'm the one that left you. Acting all regretful and crap, like you're actually _upset_ that we're not married. You're the one that left, Burke. Just in case you've forgotten, you're the one that couldn't wait another thirty damn seconds for me to get down there. You were trying to be all noble or something."

"Cristina, you'll have your answers soon enough." His voice was soft as he moved a little closer to her, trying to throw her thoughts off balance. "Let me make you dinner and I'll answer all your questions and then you can go home."

"You're damn right I'm going…..wait. You're not going to try to keep me here? You're not trying to convince me of anything? You're actually going to answer me?" She said, a little confused. She was almost sure that he'd try to keep her here in Baltimore and do his best not to answer him at all.

Maybe this would be easier than she had thought.

"I know that you don't want to stay. I know that all you want is to ask a few questions and go home. I had my chance, Cristina and I lost it. I understand. It's fine." He brushed past her, making sure that some part of their bodies touched, even if it was just their arms. She'd never be able to keep away if he just kept it up. He stood right behind her to push the scrub room door open, his breath tickling the nape of her neck and he grinned to himself when he saw her visibly shiver.

"It's cold in here." She finally muttered, getting as far away from him as she could, "They can't afford heat in this ancient place? And fine. You can make me dinner. But I swear to God if you try to sleep with me, you'll be sorry."

"Who said I wanted to sleep with you?" He asked, quirking an eyebrow.

"Everybody wants to sleep with me," She retorted with a sour face before she walked away from him and towards the locker room. Cristina couldn't believe that he didn't want to sleep with her. It had to be some sort of façade.

But then again, he did leave her at the church. She couldn't put anything past him now. It was a little disheartening to her. Maybe even a little hurtful. Even when she was discouraged with him, she had always thought that they were amazing together.

Burke watched as she disappeared from his sight and he licked his lips a little and then grinned. He was already under her skin and he couldn't help but savor the small victory. He wouldn't allow himself much time to savor it though, there was much work to do and if he spent time celebrating the small victories he'd never have her.

As much as it pained him to do so, he went back to his own office and prepared to end his day. He would drive home without her as if he didn't care about whether or not she knew how to get to the apartment. He would go about his day pretending that she wasn't even here in Maryland.

And it would drive her absolutely insane.


	3. Chapter 3

Cristina was not a happy person. She'd spent almost an hour searching the hospital before she realized that Burke had already left. The drive on the interstate to his apartment was a nightmare even with the directions she'd printed off the internet. Constructions and morons were definitely not in short supply in this area and the only thing it was doing was further pissing her off.

When she finally pulled up to the parking lot for Burke's complex, the security guard hassled her for five minutes before he finally just called upstairs and cleared it with him that she could come up. She muttered curse words under her breath until she finally found a parking space. She hadn't been in such a foul mood since she found out that Hahn was staying at Seattle Grace.

She would have thought that Burke was going to come downstairs to meet her when the guard notified him that she had arrived, but he was nowhere to be found. She scowled and cursed a little bit more as she got on the elevators and pressed the button for the floor that she thought he was on.

The elevator doors slid open and she stepped off on the 8th floor, looking for apartment 8A, but it wasn't there. There were apartments in the 800s, but no 8A. She got back on the elevator, feeling a little stupid. Of course, he's probably on the bottom floor if it's a single digit. Not that it makes since because those floors should be the 100s. She got down there, and that's exactly what those floors were. She tried to find a directory, but nothing seemed apparent and nobody was lingering for her to ask how to get to it.

Cristina got back on the elevator with the overwhelming urge to kick something and she pressed another button. He could have been a gentleman and met her downstairs. He could have at least _acted_ like they were more than just acquaintances or bitter exes and he could have showed her how to get to his goddamn apartment.

But no, she was riding up and down on this damn elevator, her skin growing sticky with sweat from the poor ventilation. She was going to look like crap by the time she found his apartment. Not like it mattered, she didn't care what he thought she looked like. If she looked like crap, then he wouldn't stare at her.

The elevators slid open on the top floor and she warily trudged out of it. She looked straight ahead to see apartment 3A and her eyes narrowed. "Are you fucking kidding me?" She muttered under her breath. She turned and walked down the hallway, cautious to look at the numbers before she got too far. The doors had to be the width of three normal apartments apart.

Apartment 8A was safely tucked in the corner on the highest floor of the complex. She clenched her jaw as she pounded against the door, making sure all of his neighbors could hear it. He should have met her downstairs. It didn't even make sense for this to be 8A. It should be 2400 or something.

Burke grinned to himself, a cold beer in hand as he approached the door. It had been at least a half hour since they'd notified him of her arrival. Surely she'd be a little irritated on that, seeing as he'd asked Michael to give her a hard time when she arrived.

She had to be having a bad day by now and he was going to do everything that he could to make it better.

He pulled the door open and found a highly disgruntled Cristina standing in front of him, "I was beginning to think that you had changed your mind and went home," He smiled softly, extending the beer for her.

Cristina plucked the cold beer from his hands and took a long drink of it, feeling as if she was dying from thirst from trying to find his damn apartment. She pulled the bottle from her lips and then focused a burning hot gaze on him. "You could have met me downstairs. Do you know how long I've been looking for your apartment? What the hell kind of numbering is this. You should have known it would be impossible to find it!" She rattled on.

Burke laughed a little, "Cristina, you're the most intelligent woman I know. I didn't think that finding a penthouse apartment would be that challenging to you."

She started to fire back some sarcastic remark, but she paused for a minute, "Are you calling me stupid because I couldn't find your apartment??"

"I wouldn't dream of calling you stupid, Cristina." He replied with a slight shake of his head. "Please, come in. Dinner is going to get cold and I'm sure you must be starving after your….journey." He added with a slight smirk.

"You're not funny." She said, shedding her jacket and dropping it onto the floor next to her bag.

His eyes came to focus on the worn brown leather jacket in the middle of his floor and he felt a wave of sadness rush through his veins. It had been so long since something came in and so carelessly disturbed the immaculate state of his apartment.

He missed it more than any words would ever be able to express.

"Staring at my coat isn't going to save you from answering my questions." She muttered, already sitting at the table and eating her dinner. "And I'm not picking it up."

"Of course not," He said, leaving it in its place. His stride was long and intentional as he took the seat next to her and picked up his fork. "How are things in Seattle?"

"Why did you leave?" She responded, taking another bite.

"I understand you're still in the apartment. I have to admit that I wasn't sure that you were going to stay. I don't know that I would have been able to. If it were me," He continued, ignoring her question.

"I like my apartment. "

"It's a nice apartment," He nodded, "Probably one of the best in Seattle for the price."

"I'm not here to make small talk with you, Burke. I want answers. You said you'd give me my answers." Cristina sighed, reaching for her nearly empty beer.

Burke immediately jumped up from the table to pluck a second beer from the refrigerator and then grabbed one for himself as well. He sat it down in front of her with the cap still in place, knowing she couldn't twist it off herself. He wanted to make her ask. "I want to give you answers, Cristina. But right now you're angry and tired and frustrated and wouldn't you rather have your answers when you're not hungry and exhausted? After dinner when your thoughts are a little more clear? I'd hate for you to leave something out. Your trip would be all for naught."

"Don't think I can't see right through you." She spouted. "You're just trying to stall. You don't have any answers. You know you were wrong."

"Of course I know I was wrong, Cristina. I'd be a fool if I didn't think I was wrong." He said evenly.

Her eyes immediately moved up from her plate to meet his and he simply nodded. She grabbed her beer from the table and tried to twist the cap off, her eyes still focused on him. Cristina was unsure of what to say to him. She figured he'd have some stupid logical reasoning for what he did. She knew that he'd have some long winded answer to explain why he was right.

Burke never really admitted that he was wrong. Just like she never admitted to being wrong, it was throwing her off and she didn't know how to respond to it.

He plucked the beer bottle from her hand and easily removed the cap and put it back in her hands. With just the simple admission that he was wrong, he knew he had knocked her off of her game. Pushing the beer back into her hands, he left his fingers lingering against her soft skin. "Cristina, I'm sorry." He murmured softly.

She let herself go for just one minute as she felt his skin against hers. The air felt electric and goose bumps flared up all over her skin and an alarmingly fast rate. She finally pulled her hand away and swallowed hard. "I just want answers," She said in a shaky voice. "I want to know why you left."

Burke frowned just a little bit. She was wavering a bit, but not enough. It's certainly not anything that he hadn't planned for, though. He may have been a fool when he walked away from her, but he wasn't taking any chances now. "And you'll have your answers. But I fear that's a conversation that would take too much time. Why don't you come by tomorrow and I'll answer one of your questions."

"You'll answer all of my questions." She said, feeling anger rise up in her stomach.

"I will. Just not all at once. I think it's too much. It's overwhelming. I'll answer one question a day." He said, standing and taking her plate.

"I have several questions!" She snapped, "I'm not staying here that long."

"Then I suppose that you won't have your questions answered." He shrugged before he placed their plates into the dishwasher. He was sure that she'd stay.

Cristina stood from the table, glaring at him. "Don't you think you've done enough? You owe me. It's not fair for you to string me along like this. All you have to do is answer my questions and let me move on with my life. It's not that complicated."

"It's far more complicated than you would suspect Cristina. Do you have a place to stay? I could locate one for you if you like. I know Baltimore rather well." He offered.

"I'm a big girl. I can find my own place." She muttered, picking her coat and bag up. "Tell me why you left."

"Not tonight. You're too angry. You'll never be able to understand. We'll discuss it tomorrow. I'm off. We can go to the harbor and have lunch and I'll answer a question." He opened the door for her, catching her off guard yet again.

She figured that he'd try to make her stay. "I'm not having lunch with you."

"Try to think of it as you just happen to be eating lunch at the same time as me. Not having lunch together." He smirked a little, "Goodnight, Cristina."

Before she could protest, she found his door in her face. The silver 8A hung in her face, taunting her. Cristina wasn't quite sure what had happened, but she felt like she'd been tricked into something. She stood there for a long moment, dumbfounded. She wouldn't have left if it were her. She would have stayed and pestered him and made him answer her.

Maybe she was just tired. It had been a long day.

She would make him answer all of her questions tomorrow.


	4. Chapter 4

Cristina stood at the edge of the pier, looking out at the sun dance atop the water. Wind whipped her wild curls around her face and the bright glimmers of light reflecting off the water made her groan and she yanked her sunglasses down over her eyes. She rolled her eyes amongst a chorus of obvious tourists talking about how pretty it was and decided she couldn't take it anymore. She turned to walk away from the group of culture depraved morons and got a face full of green cotton and white plastic letters.

"Don't you own any other shirts?" She asked under her breath, putting her hands up to put distance between them.

"In a beautiful mood today, I see." Burke laughed a little, not giving her an inch of space.

"Eat me." She muttered, maneuvering herself around him and towards a more open area. She couldn't think with him so close and she wasn't going to let him try to side step her questions again. She was going to keep her temper. She was going to keep her voice even.

He was going to give her all the answers she wanted.

"I'd rather have a sandwich right now," He answered, moving so that his lips so that they were inches from her ear, "But if the offer still stands later, I'd love to."

Burke could see her let out a shaky breath and he grinned to himself. He knew every one of her weak spots. He was well aware that he had owed her answers, but by the end of her trip it was his full intention to be going home with her.

"In your dreams," Cristina answered after a long moment.

"Every night." He assured her with a cocky grin.

"I hate you." She hissed, walking away from him. She made it a few feet when she realized that she had no idea where they were supposed to be going. She could feel anger rising in her gut, but she tried to push it back down. He wasn't going to answer her if she got pissed off.

And it was exactly what he was trying to do.

Cristina spun on her heel to face him with a forced smile. "I'm starving." She said in an unusually high tone that made her want to kill herself. "Where are we eating?"

"Anything you want," He answered, catching up to her. He knew that he was getting under her skin and he loved it.

"Chinese,"

"Anything except that. I don't really want Chinese right now."

"You just said anything that I want, and that's what I want." She said, growing frustrated with him.

"If you want Chinese, there's only one place to get it here, and we can't get it dressed like this. We'll go tonight if you want it that badly." He shrugged. "I'll make reservations."

Cristina stopped dead in her tracks, looking at him incredulously. "You're not going to make reservations. You don't need reservations to eat at a Chinese restaurant."

"You do for this one." He said, stopping next to her. "Trust me, you'll love it. And I'll answer another question."

"You have to answer _a_ question in order to answer _another_ one." She reminded him, crossing her arms. "I'm not stupid. I know what you're doing with your little games."

"You do?" He asked, quirking an eyebrow.

"Yes. You don't have answers. That's why you're stalling. I don't even know why I'm here. I should just go home." She muttered, starting to walk again.

"But you're not." He said under his breath with a small smile. It was enough to give him hope. He caught up to her. "We'll go to this stand….right here. We'll get something and then we'll find a place to talk." He murmured, "I have answers. And I'm not stalling."

Cristina glanced up at him, "Fine." She answered her voice equally as low. Her stomach began to churn a little bit. She wasn't sure that she wanted his answers. She wasn't sure that she wanted to ask the questions. Despite everything that had happened, she did love him for once, and for Cristina that was a strong emotion to just ignore. Even after everything. Being mad was one thing, but hating him?

Hating him was impossible.

They each ordered their food and despite her protests, he paid for hers. She knew that he wouldn't have it any other way. He was a gentleman through and through, no matter what. He led her to the end of the pier where it seemed like it would be quiet and settled on the ground.

She dropped to the ground a few feet away from him and he couldn't help but laugh at her. "I can't have a conversation with you if you're sitting twenty feet away from me, Cristina."

"I'm not moving." She answered in annoyance, picking at her sandwich.

With a shake of his head, he picked up his food and moved closer to her. "It's a nice day," He spoke in a soft voice, trying to ease into conversation.

"Yeah, it's great. Why'd you leave?"

He shook his head a little, a small smile turning up the corner of his lips. "Start with something easier."

"What if I don't want to?" She challenged, "What if that's the only question I have?"

"You've already told me that you have several, Cristina. That's not going to work. Pick an easier question." He urged her softly.

"Fine. You left." She said, heaving a great sigh. "You left like a coward. Why?"

He flinched a little. Yet another question that he wasn't really looking forward to. "It was a stupid decision, but I thought that I would hurt you less. If I were gone. I thought it would be easier for you."

"That's not why you left." Cristina scoffed. She knew better. "I want real answers. Not what you think that I want to hear."

Burke was quiet for a moment. It was a real answer. But it wasn't the whole answer. He hadn't anticipated ever telling her what was going through his mind, but maybe it was what they needed. Maybe it was what he needed to do in order to get her back. "I didn't want to see what I'd done. To you. I knew that you'd leave, because you're Cristina. That's what you do. So I took what I could, and I ran. I ran as far away as I could. And I ran to the one woman I knew that you wouldn't go through to get to me. Because I didn't want to see the hurt and the pain that I had caused you. I was a coward."

Cristina looked down at her food and suddenly she wasn't hungry. She knew that this would happen. That she'd hear all the reasons, have all of her answers and then it would be even harder to pretend that she didn't care.

He watched her for a long minute and then turned away. He picked up a couple of fries from his untouched lunch and broke them into small pieces. Tossing them into the water, he watched as a hoard of hungry fish came scrambling to the top for the small morsel.

"You shouldn't do that," She said quietly.

"Since when did you become an environmentalist?" He questioned in an equally soft voice.

"You teach them to depend on others. You teach them that it's okay to rely on someone else. That it's okay to trust that their needs will always be met by someone else. And then one day, you'll stop. And that trust that you made them have in you? The dependence that you evoked? It will kill them when you're gone." Cristina's voice never betrayed the maelstrom of emotion inside her. Her eyes remained focused on the water and she spoke to him as she were truly referring to the fish swimming below.

Burke reached out slowly and pulled her dark sunglasses from her face. He could see the vulnerability in her eyes, and he knew he had a chance. "I never meant to do that to you," He murmured softly, "And if you'd let me, I'd give you the world again. And I would never take it away from you. Only death would stop me."

Cristina felt herself struggling for breath. She couldn't tear her eyes away, couldn't tear her hand from his, couldn't move. She couldn't fall for him again, either. She shoved her glasses back and stood from the ground. She calmly collected her food from the ground and dumped it into a nearby canister. "Yeah, well….I won't string them along. And you shouldn't either."

"Cristina," He whispered her name softly as he watched her.

"I'm going back to my room." She said without looking at him, "What time should I meet you?"

He was left speechless for a moment and then he realized that he'd spoke of making reservations earlier. "Is seven okay with you?"

"Fine. Whatever." She answered dismissively before walking away. She felt a little bit of wetness at the corner of her eye. Waiting until she knew she was out of his sight, she carefully reached under the protective darkness of her sunglasses and wiped it away.

She wasn't really sure which hurt worse. The act itself, or knowing that he regretted doing it.


	5. Chapter 5

Burke paced nervously outside of the restaurant. He hadn't heard from her other than a phone call to clarify the location of where they were to meet. With just one question, so much had been revealed and he had never felt so vulnerable to her.

He wondered if she had felt the same.

Countless minutes passed and he heaved a great sigh, heading into the restaurant by himself. He needed to self medicate before he would allow himself the realization that she wasn't going to come. Reluctantly, he took a seat at the bar and ordered a double scotch. As he waited for his drink, he began to allow himself to wonder what had brought him to this new level of pathetic. He knew he had made an incredibly stupid mistake, letting her go. He knew that he was being egoistic and unforgiving and he had expected so much change from her.

Yet he wouldn't change _for_ her.

An infectious laugh floated through the air and drew his eyes up from the lip of his glass. He knew that laugh. He lived for that laugh. Across the bar, he found Cristina entertaining two separate men of whom she had their full attention. She was a vision in a fitted black dress and her cascading curls. Just a slight hint of gloss adorned her perfect lips and it made him hunger to taste them.

Their eyes met from across the bar and he rose from his seat, nervously adjusting his tie. He approached her slowly, their gaze never breaking. He stepped in front of the man closest to her and took her hand in his, "I was waiting for you."

She didn't remove her hand, and her expression didn't change. "You'll have to wait longer," She answered quietly, doing nothing more than trying to infuriate him.

"For you, I would wait a lifetime."

In a matter of seconds, her audience had scattered and Cristina remained frozen, looking up at him. "You couldn't wait five minutes for me."

"I told you I was wrong," He uttered softly, his fingers curling around her tiny hand.

"Stop. Stop with the words. And the looking. And…just….stop." She said, finally pulling her hand away. "We're not here for that. I'm here for because I have questions and you're here to answer them."

A slight grin turned up the corners of his lips as he leaned in. "If you were here only to have your questions answered, you would have gotten your answers the first day. You would have left that evening. You wouldn't have tried to make a scene with a bunch of men that you couldn't possibly find interesting just to make me jealous."

"It had nothing to do with making you jealous. They think I'm hot. It's natural. There was no trying about it." She answered confidently, sliding from her barstool.

He coughed to cover up a slight chuckle. He loved her confidence. "Would it help if I told you that I may have felt something akin to jealousy when I saw you?"

"I would tell you to shut up and buy me dinner and answer my questions so I could go home," She asked, fighting to ignore the low tone of his voice.

Burke's hand pressed into the small of her back as he led her towards the table he had reserved, unable to resist teasing her just slightly, "What do I get for buying you dinner?"

He could almost see the goosebumps flaring up against her porcelain skin at the suggestive tone of his voice and he knew that he could have her tonight if he wanted to. His fingers traced lightly and he allowed his mind to wander for only a moment to the possibility, but then he pulled his hand away.

Cristina was almost disappointed when he had pulled his hand away, but she didn't let it break her resolve. She took her seat and laid her hands in her lap. All of her questions had slipped from her mind and she was trying to find her focus again. There were so many answers that she had wanted, and all it took was his hand and his voice and he was breaking her. She couldn't let him break her.

Settling into a seat across the table from her, his eyes danced up and down her body, taking her in. "You're stunning."

"I know." She answered looking down over the menu.

He licked his lips a little, watching her. He couldn't let down. He couldn't back off and give her a chance to start thinking again. "I couldn't hear you. I didn't hear you."

She looked up at him with a scowl on her face, "I said 'I know'."

"When I left."

Her gaze softened a little and she curled her fingers into her knees. "You couldn't hear me." She repeated.

"I couldn't hear you. You were talking to me, and I couldn't hear you. The only thing I could hear was the panic in my own head. The only thing that I could see was you not coming and you fighting it every step of the way and……I didn't hear you. I didn't give you a chance. That's how I walked away. Because I couldn't hear you. If I could have heard you. If I could have realized what it was that I was doing? I would have never been able to walk away from you." His voice was quiet, and his gaze penetrated every wall that she'd spent countless hours building.

Cristina was quiet for a long time, fighting not to absorb his words. She picked at the hem of her dress, her eyes fixed on her lap. She didn't think it would be like this. It was supposed to be easy. It was supposed to be nothing more than answered questions, closure and moving on. He was supposed to be cold and detached and he wasn't supposed to look at her like _that_. He wasn't supposed to talk to her like _that_. He wasn't supposed to still-

"Cristina, come back to me," He whispered, reaching across the table and tracing his finger along her jawline to turn her eyes up to his.

Her eyes welled a little and she reached up push his hand away. "I didn't ask you that." She finally spoke in a shaky voice. "Excuse me," She stood up from her chair, making a quick exit towards the door.

The air around her was heavy, almost stifling, and all she needed was a minute. She wasn't going to let him get off this easily again. She wasn't going to go running back to her hotel and wallow again. All she wanted was time to reinforce her walls and gather her thoughts.

She knew she was fooling herself if she thought that all it would take to forget Preston Burke and his words was a minute.

Quietly, Burke made his way to her side. He could see that she was still hurting, and it killed him to know that it was at his hand that she felt this pain. His mother had raised him better than that. His mother was also the woman that had placed that seed of doubt in his head and it grew, out of control until he'd made the biggest mistake of his life

"I have an idea," He said, looking out at the harbor. "Why don't we forget about this place. We'll get carryout and some beer. We can go back to my apartment, or your hotel room. Your choice. And we'll talk."

Cristina knew exactly what would happen under those conditions, and she was almost certain that he knew too. She weighed the possibilities, trying to figure out exactly what it was that she wanted out of all of this. It wouldn't be closure if she slept with him. At the same time, she needed it. She needed _him_. She wanted to feel all the things that she felt when they were together.

She needed to feel alive again.

They stood there in silence for countless minutes; two people together, yet never more alone.

"Don't think about it, Cristina." He finally uttered in a soft voice. "Thinking has obviously gotten us nowhere."

"I don't know how not to think."

"Neither do I." He admitted, "We can learn together."

"It better be good beer. None of that light crap."

"I can buy good beer," He said, hope igniting a flame inside of him.

"And I want _beef_ and broccoli." She added, testing him.

A slight grin spread across his lips, "Anything you want."

"You're not getting into my pants." She said in an even voice, pulling her keys from her bag.

"You're not wearing pants. You're wearing a dress." He answered with a smug grin.

Her eyes met his as she extended a keycard to her hotel room. She could just get a new one when she got to the hotel. The corner of her lips turned up just a little as he took it. "I know."


	6. Chapter 6

"Do you want another beer?" Burke asked, crouched in front of the miniature refrigerator that they were housed in.

"Yeah." Cristina answered, her mouth full of noodles and broccoli. She could care less about manners right now. She was hungry and the Chinese was good, the beer was flowing and she was too busy not caring about anything. She had made several decisions on her way back to the hotel room and she was going to let go.

He laughed as he set another one down in front of her, "You act like you haven't eaten all day."

"I haven't. I tossed my lunch. Or have you conveniently forgotten that?" She asked, poking through her carton with her chopsticks.

"You should eat more," He said with a slight shake of his head.

"What does it look like I'm doing?" She retorted as she reached for her beer. The strap of her dress slid down her shoulder and she left it there as she took a long drink. She sat the beer down and continued to eat her dinner as he watched.

Burke's eyes couldn't leave the bared piece of her shoulder. Her body was breathtaking, as if God himself had taken the time to carve every curve and etch every perfection with painstaking care. He took another drink of his beer, his eyes still lingering and his mind wandering to what the dress was hiding.

"You're staring at me." Cristina wasn't stupid. She knew exactly what she was doing to him and what she was going to _do_ to him. There wasn't a time in her life that she wasn't precise, that she didn't know exactly what the outcome of her actions would be if she had control over it.

Now was no different.

He reached out hesitantly to move the strap back into it's place, hoping that the thin black piece of material would somehow help his mind to achieve a more innocent place than where it was currently residing. His fingers brushed against her soft skin it only served to further arouse him. "You didn't change out of your dress." He pointed out as he watched her sit her half eaten carton down.

Cristina picked up a napkin and drew it to her lips with a slight smirk, "No." She discarded the napkin and reached for her beer. She was surprised when he grabbed her wrist and her eyes flew up to meet his. "Do you need something?" Her voice was shaky, and she tried to remind herself why what she was doing was the right decision.

"What are you doing?" He asked her quietly.

"Getting a drink."

"What are you doing?" He repeated. Burke wanted to believe that he knew exactly what she was doing, but he wanted to be sure. He wanted to know that she wanted it to.

She studied him for a long moment. "You know what I'm doing," She finally answered in a low voice, pulling her hand away.

Burke stood from their makeshift dinner table on the floor and reached down to pull her to her feet. As if in slow motion, he pulled her into his arms and dipped his head to kiss her.

The first kiss was tentative, just a taste. But all it took was a taste, and he was intoxicated.

The second kiss was soft, but more lingering. It was a silent apology, a humble offering of himself to her in an attempt to make up for all that he had done. A promise that he would make it better.

Cristina pulled away for a moment to look into his eyes, finding herself already breathless. She kissed him once more, this time her tongue sliding against his.

The third kiss was an indication of everything to come- passionate, heated, packed with emotions unexpressed and heated arguments held at bay.

When their lips finally parted, he stepped behind her. His hands came up to carefully unzip the dress that confined the body he worshipped so. As he drug the zipper downwards, his finger traced at the skin just above. His lips dropped to her neck, dragging hot kisses over her cool flesh.

Cristina's dress slipped from her body and pooled at her feet in a pile of black satin. Her body relaxed against his as his lips continued to blaze a trail over her shoulder. She shivered slightly as his hands danced up her bare sides and then over her breasts. She exhaled his name softly, her hips moving back against his. She had missed this too much.

Turning in his arms so she could face him once more, she began to unbutton his shirt. She ran her hands up his shoulders, relearning every curve and crevasse. The shirt joined the growing pile of clothes on the floor and their lips met again in another hungry kiss.

Every touch, every kiss broke a little more of Cristina's resolve as she fought to keep her walls in place. When he lifted her into his arms, her naked body pressed against his, she swore to herself that she wasn't going to think anymore. She was feeling now.

Thinking was for later.

Gently, he laid her on the bed and moved his body over hers. He caressed every inch of her body with his lips, his eyes always wandering upwards to marvel at her reactions. His lips continued downward and his tongue explored her center as his fingers stroked every good place inside her and when he led her to release, he sheathed himself within her.

She held fast to him, her body trembling as filled her. Cristina was never one to believe in the whole idea of making love. But she couldn't deny the things he made her feel, either. This wasn't senseless sex. This wasn't something that happened in the heat of the moment between jaded lovers. This was passionate and raw. This was something that couldn't be reigned in or controlled.

When they were together it was always making love, even the first time. Even if neither one of them wanted to admit to it then, they knew that it was different.

Burke's forehead dropped to her shoulder as he moved. He grunted softly against her sated skin as she tightened around him, her fingernails digging into the flesh of his muscular shoulders, enough so that he was sure she'd leave marks. He felt the pressure growing in his stomach and he fought to stave it off. He wanted to stay buried inside her forever. He wanted to feel her heart beating next to his for all eternity.

She traced her lips against his neck and jaw and up to his ear as he moved. His hand slid beneath them and teased her mercilessly. Her hips jerked against his and she brushed her lips against his ear. She whispered a soft and intentional 'I love you' before she continued spreading kisses.

He pulled his forehead from her shoulder and kissed her softly. He returned the words as he picked up his pace, desperately seeking to share release with her. Their foreheads came together and their eyes met as they found euphoria together, soaring amongst the crested sheets of her bed.

Cristina's body shook in his arms and she continued to place soft, short kisses to his lips. She wanted to remember this forever. She wanted to think of him and remember the exact moment where they fell from reality together, his gaze locked with hers.

That's how she wanted to remember Preston Burke.

Not as the man who left her standing in a church.

When he finally slipped from inside her and spread out on the bed next to her, she curled her body into his. He wrapped his arms around her and buried his face against her curls, breathing her in. Within moments, a peaceful sleep fell over the two of them- one that had eluded them since they'd been apart.

Morning arrived too soon and Cristina awoke to light snoring in her ear. Carefully, she slid herself from his arms and began to gather her clothes. She packed quietly and left no note when she made her exit. She paid for her room, requested a late check out and then hailed a cab to the airport.

As she boarded the plane her heart ached, but not in the way it had the last time that they were separated. She had the memory of him from the previous night. When he left, she was left with so many different emotions. So many regrets.

If she had known he was going to leave her, she would have told him that she loved him instead of just assuming that he already knew.

If she had known the last time they kissed was going to be the last time, she would have kissed him more passionately.

If she had known that the last time they made love would be the last, she wouldn't have been in such a hurry to get ready for work afterwards.

And when the opportunity presented itself the previous night to make right all those regrets, she couldn't walk away from them. She had her answers, more than she wanted. More than she could handle, even. The only thing left was to make up for her regrets and try to move on with her life.

With one final act, one final time making love to him, she had done just that.

It was time for Cristina to try and move on with her life.


	7. Chapter 7

"No, no…wait. So let me get this straight. You dropped everything, packed a bag and went mildly insane at the airport so you could get laid?" Meredith scoffed before she took another sip of her coffee. "Hello, happy ending? You were supposed to be going so you could make everything all better. Not for a good time. Not for an orgasm-"

"Multiple orgasms. Not just one." Cristina corrected, tearing at the sleeve on her coffee cup.

"And you let that get away?? Seriously, he gives you multiple orgasms. That's good enough reason to keep him. "

"Whatever," Cristina sighed.

"You're more tolerable when you're getting multiple orgasms." Meredith smirked.

"Shut up."

"Okay, fine. I've tried being your supportive person. But obviously that doesn't work. So I'm just going to tell you that you're stupid. You love him and he loves you and he was obviously trying to apologize. So you slept with him and came home. That makes next to no sense, Cristina. None. I know. I've had therapy. I'm officially entitled to tell you that you're stupid."

Cristina stopped picking at her coffee cup and looked up at Meredith, "Therapy entitles you to analyze my feelings and decisions?"

"Yes." Meredith answered simply.

"Ah, that's strange. I always thought that it required a degree of some sort." She retorted before she went back to picking at her coffee cup.

"You don't want to talk about this, do you?"

"Obviously."

"Fine. Derek and I are thinking about possibly considering the idea of getting married." Meredith said before flipping open another chart.

Cristina glanced at her for a moment before looking back to her own chart. "That's good." She said warily. She knew that next week she'd be holding Meredith's hair out of her face while she vomited tequila mixed with feelings and tears into toilet after some massive breakup with Derek. But at least it got the attention off of her and the decisions she'd made.

When she got off the plane, Cristina had made the choice that she was no longer going to let the loneliness seep into every corner of her life. She had made her choices while in Baltimore and there wasn't going to be regret or sadness once she was back in Seattle. She was going to take what she had left of her life and make it work.

If Meredith would fucking drop it.

She knew that Burke would always linger in the back of her mind, just like any other person that she'd let into her life. She couldn't help but find the bitter irony in the fact that the people she loved the most never lasted long in her life.

It made her worry about Meredith, especially with the things she'd attempted in the past.

Cristina's pager went off, pulling her from her thoughts. She went to reach for hers as Meredith's went off too. They both glanced at each other and then down at their pagers.

"911 for the second floor nurses station?" Meredith asked, her brow furrowed.

"We're _at_ the second floor nurses' station." Cristina answered annoyed.

"Holy crap there you are!" Izzie exclaimed, her blond curls bouncing as she rushed to their side. "I didn't see you over here being the emo sisters."

Cristina looked at Izzie with narrowed eyes, "Wait, I'm sorry. You'll have to slow down. I don't speak stupid fluently."

"Ha ha, you're _so_ funny." Izzie snapped.

"Slower. I'm still having a hard time translating you."

Meredith giggled from behind her chart, "Cristina." She mumbled half-heartedly, though she was enjoying the Izzie-bashing.

"You know what, fine? I was going to warn you. I was going to warn you about something really huge and now? Now I'm not. You can find out on your own."

Meredith leaned forward, her curiosity piqued. "What? What were you going to warn us about?"

"I'm not telling you now."

Cristina smiled to herself. This was an easy enough game, "That's okay, I'm sure it's not huge."

"Oh yes it is. It's massive. It's massively huge. As a matter of fact, it's gargantuan."

"No it isn't," Cristina said, looking over at Meredith with a sly grin.

"You're right. I'm sure it's nothing." Meredith added, catching on quickly.

"She probably just slept with another married man again," Cristina replied, flipping through her chart some more.

"Yes it is. It is huge. You don't call Burke coming back to Seattle huge??" Izzie snapped, slamming her hands down against the counter.

Cristina's eyes remained focused on the chart in front of her and she didn't show an ounce of emotion. After a long moment she finally answered, "Why would it matter to me?"

"Hello, because it's _Burke."_ Izzie said, rolling her eyes.

"Yeah, well, I guess you were wrong. You should be used to it though."

"Whatever." Izzie muttered, walking away from the two of them.

Meredith looked over at Cristina. She couldn't understand how Cristina could just sit there and flip through her chart like nothing was going on. This was huge and they both knew it. He came back, and Meredith was sure that he had come back for her.

"Quit staring at me." Cristina answered, making a note in the margin of a lab result.

"It is kinda huge," Meredith admitted in a hushed voice.

"No it isn't," Cristina answered in an annoyed voice. "Not for me."

"You just had sex with him like…two days ago. And now he's home again. That's huge."

"Seattle is not his home. Baltimore is his home." Cristina said, writing a little harder against the thin lab results.

"How isn't it huge? It's obviously not over." Meredith pressed.

The paper tore under the pressure of Cristina's pen and she slammed the chart shut, "Listen, will you just drop it? It isn't huge. This isn't his home and I said goodbye, okay? That? The sex and the feelings and all that crap? That was me. Letting go. It's over, Meredith. There are no happy endings, there's no 

such thing. So quit wandering through life like it's a goddamn fairytale and wake up and smell the reality."

Meredith didn't hear much of what Cristina had said. Her eyes were focused Burke, who was standing behind her. His expression went from one of confidence and maybe a hint of happiness to one of disappointment.

She was saying goodbye?

Cristina waited for some sort of response from Meredith, but it never came. She followed Meredith's gaze, spinning on her heel and finding herself staring straight into Burke's chest. Immediately, she stepped backwards and looked up at him. "And what the hell do you want? Go home." She snapped at him before she stormed away from the two of them.

Burke shook her head as she stormed off and then he looked down at Meredith. "That didn't go quite like I thought it would." He admitted, more to himself than to her.

Meredith reached down into her pockets, digging through gum wrappers and cafeteria receipts to find her keys. She pulled them out and took the spare key to Cristina's apartment off the key ring. She extended it to him, but didn't let go of it. "Why did you come back?"

His fingers wrapped around the end of it, but he didn't pull it from her. "Because _I_ believe in happy endings. If you love something, let it go. If it comes back…"

"That's how you know." Meredith finished, letting go of the key. "If she's not at the apartment, she'll be at my house. And if she's not at either, she's at Joe's. My money is on Joe's."

He nodded and pushed the key into the pocket of his jeans. "Thank you, Grey."

She stood from behind the nurses' station and picked her charts up. "Make it better or I'll make you sorry." Meredith walked away from him without another word. She knew that Cristina was going to kill her for giving him the keys, but she wanted them together. Meredith needed them together. It was one of those strange things that was just _supposed_ to be.

It was then that she decided she wasn't going to work against him. They both cared for Cristina more than words could describe and they both wanted her to be happy. As much as she wanted to hate Burke or sway with whatever emotion that Cristina had assigned to him, she knew she wouldn't be able to.

Besides, how could she hate a guy who believed in happy endings?


	8. Chapter 8

Joe's was filthy. The floors were sticky and littered with peanut shells. It smelled of alcohol, cigarettes and the odor of vomit wafted from the corner despite the fact she was on the other side of the room. Despite how filthy it was, it felt like a safehaven right now. Joe pushed another vodka infused drink towards Cristina and she immediately downed it, ordering another one before he even had a chance to make his retreat.

He looked at her warily. There had only been a handful of nights that he had to call someone for her, and those were nights that involved a man no longer involved in her life. "Maybe you should slow down a little. You probably have to…work tomorrow, right?" He suggested quietly.

"Another one, Joe. Now." She answered, finishing the drink.

"Is there something you want to allude to so I at least know why you're attempting to put me into bankruptcy tonight?" Joe sighed, reaching for the vodka. He was going to make this one lighter.

"Are you a therapist?"

He smirked a little, "Some people would think so."

"Just shut up and poor me the drink. And don't go light." She sneered.

She picked apart another peanut shell, her eyes fixed to the bar. She hadn't thought about him at all the entire time that she'd been here. Instead, she thought of other things like Hahn and Meredith and her stupid McDreamy and all of the things that sometimes she cared about. She'd come to the decision that if she'd think of other things, he would just go away.

Of course, she was wrong.

The bell rang over the door and Joe looked up to see Burke standing in the doorway. His face went a little pale and suddenly he realized Cristina's problem. Instead of slowing the flow of vodka into her drink, he poured a little extra and slid it towards her. "Extra strong. You're going to need it."

"You have no idea," She snorted.

"I think I do." He answered softly, nodding behind her.

Cristina twisted on her barstool to find Burke standing a few feet behind her. Without even acknowledging him she turned back to her drink. "Make me another one before you leave." She muttered.

Burke was at the very least discouraged by her reaction, but he wasn't going to show it. He wanted to understand what had happened between them. He thought that they were better. That he would come home and fix this.

He was very obviously wrong.

"You left the hospital rather quickly," He spoke in a low voice, slightly laced with concern and trepidation.

"Why are you here? We said goodbye. It's over. Go home." She answered before she took a drink. Her sinuses stung with the amount of vodka that Joe had poured into it, and secretly she hoped for another just like it.

"It's not over. We talked. I told you I was wrong. We….do you not remember anything in Baltimore? You told me that you loved me. I reciprocated."

"So?" She retorted.

"So, I thought-"

"Well, stop thinking." She snapped at him before he could even finish the sentence. "Just don't think. Just forget it, okay. Now you _know_ that it's over. No thinking required."

"Cristina," He murmured softly, "I know that I hurt you, but we can fix this."

"I don't care. You apologized. You gave me my answers, and now it's over. Did you not hear that part? Do I need to tattoo it on my forehead?"

"It's not over. We can do it right this time. We can fix this. That night in Baltimore…the night before you left, that's the happiest I've been."

"It's called an orgasm, Burke. You can have one without me." She quipped, nursing her drink.

"Cristina,"

"I think we've already established that you know my name."

"Dammit, Cristina! Just stop." He said, pulling the drink from her hands. "I gave up everything. Again. To come here for you. Will you stop acting like this for at least five minutes and explain what changed between that night and now?"

Cristina's eyes remained focused on the bar. She had said goodbye to him. She had cut ties with him and left Preston Burke- the man she loved back in Baltimore. This man was someone here solely here to irritate her and nothing more. Or at least that's what she was trying to convince herself of. She pulled some money from her pockets and slid it onto the bar before sliding from her chair.

With the first step she nearly stumbled to the ground and within moments, Burke's arms were around her and holding her up. She tried to push him away, but he only held her more tightly. "Let me at least take you home,"

She wanted to fight him, but she already felt sick to her stomach. Instead, they made it as far as the door and she stopped. "Don't try anything," She grumbled at him, "My judgment is still intact."

He scooped her up into his arms rather than letting her stumble about, "I just want you to get home safely." He assured her softly.

Involuntarily, her head rested against his shoulder and she breathed him in. She hated how her senses were still intact and how they all still had a fondness for him. The way he looked, his scent, the way his hot breath tickled her neck and shoulders. Her body was against her and her judgment definitely was no intact, but she wasn't going to tell him. "You better leave tomorrow."

"I'm not going anywhere. I'm back. Here. For good." Burke answered, slowly lowering her to her feet. He pulled the door open and let her ease into his car.

"You are not." She fought as he buckled her in.

"I am," He repeated before he closed the door. He let out a deep sigh.

This was not going to be easy.

Pulling the car out of the parking lot, he glanced over at her. "Tell me what happened. The last night you were in Baltimore."

"You know what happened. I'm not going to recap sex for you." She answered, looking out the window for only a moment as her stomach did flipflops. She closed her eyes, the passing buildings causing the nausea in her stomach to rise.

"That's not what I'm referring to."

"Then what? What were you referring to? I was saying goodbye. I told you that. I wasted a year of my damn life on you and I didn't get so much as a goodbye. I got dumped in a church. I got left behind. I was just setting things straight, okay? I don't want to fix this. I don't want this. And I don't want you." She answered, her voice growing louder with each word until she was nearly yelling. Cristina wasn't sure if she meant the words or not, but she wanted to.

Burke remained quiet as they pulled into the drive of the apartment complex, trying to absorb her words. They stung and they made him second guess his decision to come back. But she had come after him, and after everything that had happened. After she had told him that she loved him and he said it back- there had to be something there. Cristina would never use those words lightly- it took enough to get them out of her. He parked the car and looked over at her, "Let me help you inside and then I'll leave."

"I can do it myself," She said, unmoving. Taking in a deep breath, she open her eyes to reach for the door handle, but immediately felt her stomach lurch a little. "I just….I need a minute."

Without a word, he slid from the car and walked to her side, pulling her door open. Reaching in, he pulled her into his arms and closed his door with the hip. "You should find better ways of coping. You're going to end up with liver disease."

"Spare me the lecture before I vomit on you." She threatened with a small hiccup. Another wave of nausea crashed against her stomach and she reached up to push him away. She leaned against a small pillar just outside the door and took deep breaths, fighting to keep it all in until she could at least get upstairs. As it subsided, she started inside and he followed close behind, his hand on her back to steady her.

Once they were on the elevator, his arm snaked around her waist a little, "Do you work tomorrow?"

"Why do you care?" She muttered, exhaling heavily.

"Because you really shouldn't with the hangover that you'll be nursing." He smirked as the doors slid open.

Cristina rushed past him with her keys in hand to the door. Her stomach wasn't going to hold back anymore. She pushed the door open and ran into the bathroom, leaving it wide open. He followed behind her, closing the door.

His eyes traced over the apartment as he stood in the doorway. It was predictably messy, the furniture changed around. She had tried to erase him from her life. She had tried to change things. Tried to make them unrecognizable physically to match what she had probably been feeling. He could hear her wretching from the kitchen and he went to the refrigerator to pull out some bottled water. He wasn't surprised to find it basically bare with the exception of alcohol and leftover takeout.

With the bottled water in hand, he made his way into the bathroom and found her slumped beside the toilet. He wet a washcloth and knelt beside her. "Here," He offered softly.

She looked up at him with tired eyes as she reached for the water. "Just go," She mumbled, leaning back against the wall. She had done this too many nights after he left. She knew she could handle herself.

"I'll wait until I know you're okay."

"I'm fine."

"I didn't say I'd wait until you were fine. I said I'd wait until you were okay."

She ignored his comment, taking a small sip of the water. She closed her eyes and sighed softly. She was exhausted. He was exhausting. Fighting him was even more exhausting.

"Come on. You need to get in bed." He murmured softly, pulling her off the floor.

Cristina didn't fight him as he led her to bed. She stood at his side like a limp rag doll, the combination of alcohol left in her system, the retching and the day's events finally overwhelming her.

After gathering her pajamas from the dresser, "Let's get you changed," He murmured softly, reaching out to slowly unbutton her shirt as she swayed in front of him. She was far more inebriated than he'd ever seen before.

"Don't try anything," She mumbled as the shirt slid down her arms. Part of her hoped that he would.

"What do you take me for? I've never been that kind of man, Cristina." He answered before unclasping her bra. He helped her slide her shirt over her head so that she was covered before he took the bra off and then he began to work on her pants.

"I didn't think you'd ever be that kind of man, but you found a way to prove me wrong." She retorted. Even if he had apologized and called himself stupid and is actions idiotic, it was still hurt.

"Let me prove you wrong again." He uttered, pulling the covers back on the bed.

"You're crazy if you think I'll let you do that to me again."

"I'd never do it again. I'd be an idiot to do it again."

She slid into the bed and looked up at him as he tucked her in. Her eyes lingered on him for a moment and between the mix of alcohol and the thinly veiled emotions, she had never felt more vulnerable. "Go." She whispered again. "Just go."

Sitting on the edge of the bed that used to be his, he shook his head just a little. "I'm not. I gave you up. Twice, I gave you up. I won't do it again."

"You'll never have me to give me up again."

"We'll see," He answered with a small grin. Burke was sure that he knew otherwise. Bending, he brushed his lips against hers just softly, as if he were asking for permission.

Cristina weakly put her hand against his chest, a pathetic half attempt at feigning pushing him away. She was drunk and she couldn't be held accountable for giving into her physical desires. She kissed him back a little harder as her body began to respond. She knew that Burke in close proximity and alcohol wasn't the best combination- even more so when she couldn't sort out exactly what it was that she was feeling.

The kiss became heated, more passionate and he slid his hands up into her hair, his fingers tangling in the curls. He could feel her small hands on his back, trying to pull him on top of her, but he pulled away. "You're drunk." He murmured.

"So?" She asked, "This is why you came here isn't it?"

"I came here for all of you," He murmured, kissing her softly one last time. He stood, looking down at her. "Goodnight, Cristina."

"Goodbye, Burke." She retorted, now strung out on liquor and feelings of rejection. Reaching up, she flipped off the light and turned away from him to attempt sleep.

After he closed the door, Burke went about picking up the apartment, picking up the pieces of his former life. He would find a way to convince her. He would find a way to fix what he had broken. The desire was there, he knew it was. He had seen it only moments before.

He just had to find a way to tear down her walls once more.


	9. Chapter 9

"You know what your problem is? Your problem is that you_ always _have to be right. If you didn't have to be right all the time, this wouldn't have happened."

"You're drunk, Grey."

Meredith set down her beer and held a finger up, "I…am not drunk. I'm only slightly inebriated. What tequila connoisseurs such as myself would call a buzz. I'm irritated and frustrated with what you've done to my person."

"I'm trying to fix it." Burke answered honestly, pulling the beer away. She'd obviously had more than enough. He glanced around the bar again, trying to casually look at the door.

"She isn't coming. I told you she wouldn't come. She's probably holed up in her apartment again. She's hiding from you."

"I wasn't looking for her," He lied, taking a drink of his own beer.

"Right. And I'm not slightly inebriated." She retorted. "Anyway, as I was saying, you should listen to _her_ every once in a while. Despite the fact that Cristina is emotionally retarded and completely incapable of talking about her own feelings, she really does know what she wants."

"I kn-" Burke started, but he found his mouth covered by her tiny hand.

"I was not done talking yet." She said, leaving her hand in place. "And you don't know. She told you she wanted the whole city hall thing. If Cristina _actually_ tells you what she wants? Like lays it out for you and everything? That means that she wants it. Quit questioning it and do it. End of story. It's not brain surgery." She paused for a second, "Or heart surgery. Whatever."

Burke reached up and pulled her hand away from his mouth with a gentle force, "I'd give her anything she wanted if she'd quit avoiding me."

"You're paying dues." Meredith shrugged, reaching past him for her beer.

"I think I paid them when she left me back in Baltimore." He answered, glancing at the door again.

Meredith's beer nearly slipped from her hands. "Do you _seriously_ think that you've paid your dues. You have _no_ idea what you did to her. I've never seen her like that. I've never seen her like she is now. She couldn't _breathe_. What you did deserves so much worse than just being left in Baltimore. You barely even deserve her."

"If that's the case, then why are you helping me?" He asked with a cocked eyebrow. He had never even dreamt of Cristina being that upset after he'd left. He felt stupid now as he pondered it. He knew that she loved him.

He just didn't know how much.

Meredith pondered his question for a long moment before she finally answered, "Because you make her happy. In her own weird Cristina way, you make her happy. You're like surgery. A really good, bloody surgery."

"I know that's not the case. Cristina's career takes precedence."

"But you don't _know_. Quit assuming you know, dammit!" Meredith snapped at him, slamming her emptied beer bottle against the bar. "You're not always right."

Burke looked down at the ground. "I'm not trying to be right. I want what's best for her."

"So you're saying that when you left her that you thought there was somebody better for her? That you weren't good enough for her?"

"Well, no-" He stopped, unsure of what he was supposed to say. He don't know if he was surprised more by the fact that Meredith was able to reason in this state or that her reasons actually made sense.

"Then why the hell can't you just stop questioning it?"

"Becau-"

"Because you always have to be right!" She finished his sentence, "Now quit being right. You go find her and grovel. Tell her you're wrong. Tell her that you don't care how long she takes. Tell her that you don't deserve her and that you love her and you'll wait forever."

Meredith knew that she didn't even honestly know if she was talking to him anymore. She began to wonder if she was telling him everything that she wished somebody would tell Derek, but it sounded good and so she kept on it.

At least one of them would get their happy ending.

Burke was quiet for a long moment, trying to decide what he should do. He didn't want to push her away, but he didn't want her to run either. He needed to at least talk to her. "Call her."

"Oh no. She's not going to find out I was a part of this."

He looked at her in doubt, "So you're helping me, but you're not?"

"Yes."

Burke shook his head. He never could understand either one of them. It's like they had a secret code that came with no means of translation. Everything they said made absolutely no sense to him. He wondered if other women would even understand them. "Grey, just shut up and call her."

Meredith looked at him angrily, "I need her right now. And if she finds out that I'm helping you, we'll both be screwed. And I don't want to be screwed. I can't afford to be screwed."

"Don't do this for you." He answered in a low voice. "Do this for Cristina. Call for her. Not for me, not for you, but for her. How am I supposed to tell her that I'm wrong if you won't call?"

She looked at him with a slight pout on her face, her eyes softening a little. "I hate you," She finally muttered dialing the phone. Cristina was going to kill her, but he was right. She wanted her person to be happy and this was a start to it.

"Thank you," He mumbled putting down some money for the tab and stepping away as she was on the phone.

Meredith hung up her phone and called after him, "Aren't you going to wait for her?"

"I'm waiting." He answered. He just wasn't going to wait for her where he could be seen.

After only a few minutes, Cristina made her way inside Joe's and found a seat next to Meredith's. She sighed as she climbed up onto the barstool and shrugged her jacket off. "This had better be good. There's a possible aortic dissection in the pit and if I came over here to save you from Jose when I could be saving a life, you're going to be my next patient."

Meredith snorted, "Like you care about saving a life. You just want to suture a dissected aorta."

"And your point?" Cristina asked before calling out to Joe for her drink.

"The point is that you'd much rather be saving me than saving a life." Meredith grinned and wrinkled her nose.

"You're beyond wasted, aren't you?" Cristina observed, "Have you been drinking by yourself?" She asked before glancing around.

"No!" Meredith said, grabbing her arm. She didn't want her to see Burke if he didn't want to be seen. Maybe he chickened out and she wouldn't get in trouble. "Don't look that way!" She faltered, trying to 

save herself, "There's a guy….and he's really_ really_ ugly..and looking at you. Just…look straight ahead or he'll think you're interested."

Cristina narrowed her eyes, "What are you doing?" She asked, looking in the direction that Meredith told her not to anyway. "You're hiding something aren't you?"

"No."

"You sound guilty."

"I sound drunk." Meredith quipped, "Remember, you're saving me from Jose."

She looked back at her friend doubtfully before taking a long sip of her drink. Cristina felt like she was being set up. "I'm going back to the hospital after I finish this." She muttered, "And after I get you in a cab."

Meredith started to protest but her phone vibrated on the bar and she picked it up. It was a text message from Burke telling her to get Cristina to dance and she narrowed her eyes. She quickly typed in a response and put her phone down. "Where were we?"

"Who is that?" Cristina questioned.

"Derek." She answered quickly, before taking a gulp of her beer. She felt as if she were on an express train to hell. Or maybe she would be on an express gurney to surgery after Cristina found out what she was really up to.

"I thought Shepherd was in surgery when I left." Cristina answered slowly, "Meredith, what are you doing?"

Meredith sighed as her phone buzzed again and she glanced at it. He was practically begging her to get Cristina to dance. "It's Alex." She finally lied. "I'm sleeping with Alex."

"Okay, I officially find you disgusting." Cristina muttered, tearing a peanut shell to bits. "Why would you do that?"

"Why not? He's obviously very good at what he does if he's slept with that many people." Meredith was making herself sick. She finished another drink and slid off the barstool, "Come dance."

"Not now." She answered, waving her hand dismissively. "You go dance. Wear yourself out so I can put you to bed. Like a toddler."

"Cristina," Meredith whined a little. "Please."

"Will you go home after this so I can go back to the hospital?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'll do whatever you want. Just dance with me. Well, not _with_ me. It's a good song!"

Cristina groaned as she reluctantly left her seat and worked through the crowd of people. She hated dancing with Meredith in public, especially when she was drunk. It often drew unwanted attention and disgusting bald guys with bad breath. She half heartedly danced at her friend's side, her eyes continuing to glance up towards the clock. She wanted to go back to her possible aortic dissection.

Meredith glanced over Cristina's shoulder and saw Burke advancing towards them. She froze a little and then put her hands over her stomach. "Oh. I..uh…I think I'm going to be sick. I'll be right back."

Before Cristina could even respond, Meredith had scampered off and she turned around to see Burke standing right there. She looked up at him warily, "You did this, didn't you?"

He smirked a little, "Possibly."

Cristina stepped back, trying to keep her distance. "I should have known. She can't lie to save her life."

"You should give her credit," Burke replied with a smile, "Grey isn't nearly as much of a lightweight as I would have imagined her to be."

"I'm not interested in making small talk. I really need to go, I have things to do. You got her drunk, you get her home." She answered coldly, starting to brush past him.

Burke took hold of her hand and pulled her back so that her body was pressed into his. "One dance," He murmured. "That's all I want."

Cristina's breath hitched in her throat at the way he pulled her against him. She tried to pull herself away. "No."

His arm snaked around her waist and he held her tightly. "Please."

She looked up at him helplessly. "What are you trying to do?" She asked, not moving.

"Honestly?" He asked, his other hand reaching up to brush a curl from her face.

"No, I want you to lie to me." She retorted, doing her best to remain unaffected.

"I'm trying to make you open up to me again," He answered softly. "I'm trying to give you your space without letting you get too far away. I'm trying to make you see how much I love you without really 

being able to show you. I'm trying to make you realize that I know I was wrong without being able to talk to you. But mostly, right now? I'm just trying to get you to dance with me."

Cristina found herself speechless as she stared up at him, her lips slightly parted. He always said these _things_ and it made it so hard for her to _think_. Her mouth felt ridiculously dry and she finally answered in the smallest of voices. "One dance. And then I'm going."

"That's all I want," He murmured in response.

His arms wrapped around her and they moved together, his cheek resting atop her head. He could feel the drunken patrons of the bar staring at them as they slow danced to an upbeat song, but he didn't care. The world ceased to exist when she was in his arms.

Before this evening, he would have insisted that he knew that the world slowed for her too. But he had decided that he was going to try a different approach. He wasn't going to know anything anymore. He was going to ask. He was going to wait. He was going to do all the things that Meredith had told him to do.

Burke was willing to do anything to get the woman he loved back in his arms forever.

To get back the moments where the world stopped for both of them.


	10. Chapter 10

It had been days since he'd heard from her.

He thought that after the dance they'd shared that he had a chance. The way she looked at him. The way she stayed for a second and a third and then a fourth. She held onto him and he _knew_ that she didn't want to let go.

Or at least he thought he knew.

Preston Burke was not a man familiar with doubt, and it became evident to him that it left him in a sort of despair- squirming and uncomfortable, writing like an ant under a magnifying glass. It was quite possibly the most uncomfortable feeling in the world. Despite everything, he would forge ahead.

Cristina was worth any amount of discomfort that he may be suffering.

He'd taken his position back at the hospital, squashing the hopes of Erica Hahn to pick up where he'd left off and assume his number one spot. She would forever be second to him and he wouldn't allow it to be any other way. She was a poor instructor anyhow, and nobody really seemed to care for her. When he wasn't allowing himself to wallow about Cristina, he was submerging himself in work and giving her the space she required.

He'd been bribing her with surgeries lately. Not just because he wanted to see her, but because he had always enjoyed her enthusiasm in surgery. He loved the way her eyes would widen and light up as the heart came into view after tedious work or the way he could see the sides of her mask pucker a little when she smiled at the work she was doing. It was simple stuff that nobody noticed except for him.

It was the stuff that she'd never allowed anyone else _to_ see.

They worked in silence together, but they were a perfect team. She instinctively knew what he needed and when he needed it. She was his second set of hands. He never offered to let her perform procedures. Instead, he would pull his hands away, lay his hand on the tip of the suction catheter and she would take over. They were always better at communicating when nobody was speaking.

At one point as he was performing one of many anastomsies, he was sure that he'd seen her giving him that look. His eyes met hers again and it was a silent tug of war. He looked at her in question and her eyes turned warm and her hand brushed just slightly against his as she suctioned.

Their hands never touched in surgery unless one of them did it intentionally.

Her surgical mask puckered at the sides a little, and he felt his own give as their eyes lingered. Leave it to Cristina to get turned on during a long and extensive case. It was why he loved her.

After the surgery, they stepped into the scrub room together. His eyes were drawn to her as she pulled off his surgical mask and he found himself grinning like a fool underneath his- enough so that he was slightly embarrassed to pull it away. He coughed to cover a small chuckle and bit the inside of his lip to conceal a smile.

Cristina reached across his chest to grab some paper towels and she knew exactly what she was doing. There was something about watching him in surgery. The way his very large hands became delicate and graceful and soft. How he had every movement mastered. She could watch him maneuver an open chest cavity for days on end without getting tired of it. If she could watch him do it without her mind wandering to much dirtier places, she'd be set for life.

She had convinced herself after their evening at Joe's that she wasn't going to fall into his trap, but as she watched him work the only thing she could picture was his hands wandering her sated skin. His movements that were so graceful and exact in the OR becoming more primal, more needy as they touched her and brought her to the very edge of insanity.

She could handle being in a simple bypass, but when it was a bypass with valve replacements too? That was 8 hours of watching him move and seeing the way he looked at her. Those were the surgeries that afterwards, she would drag him into his office, into a linen closet, into a call room, whatever empty and isolated space that they could find and she would ravage him. They'd tear at each other's scrubs and he'd press her into the wall, burying himself deep inside of her. They'd move and rock and trash until they couldn't anymore. They'd breathe each other's names as if it were the last thing they'd ever say and kiss as if there were no tomorrow.

It was the only thing she could think about right now. It was the surgery that was causing it and therefore she couldn't be held accountable for her actions.

Surgery made her do it.

Her hand brushed gently across his thigh as she turned towards the door and she looked up at him with a darkened gaze. She could see the lump forming in his throat as well as his scrubs and she only smirked. The thin material of his scrubs did very little to hide anything. She walked backwards towards the door of the scrub room, shooting suggestive glances his way.

Burke tried to clear the damn lump from his throat as he pushed open the door to the OR and instructed his fellow to follow up on the patient. Without another word, he was following Cristina from the scrub room and not a moment too soon. It had become stiflingly hot and his mouth had become overwhelmingly dry. It was not water that he thirsted for, though.

Cristina had every intention of making it all the way to his office, but when his hand brushed against her ass she couldn't wait any longer. Using her badge, she opened a radiology viewing room and he quickly followed her inside. No sooner than she had the door closed, she found herself pressed into it. His kisses 

were hungry and hard as his hands worked at already untying her scrubs. Obviously he had been thinking the same thing she had.

She reached up to untie her scrub cap and it fell to the floor, freeing her long dark curls as his lips traversed to her neck, biting and nipping the supple skin there. Within a heartbeat they were naked and her legs were wrapped around his waist and she would swear in that moment that he was deeper inside of her than he ever had been before. Her nails dug into his muscular shoulders and her lips met his over and over in a series of teasing kisses, allowing him nothing but a taste.

His hands tangled into her hair, pulling her head back as he attacked her neck once more. He groaned her name as he felt her tightening around him but he wasn't ready to let go. He slowed his hips, taking her sweet release away from her as suddenly as it had started to come on.

Cristina felt her frustration bubbling to a head as she fought him. She moved her hips hard against his, crying out as she did. His powerful hands immediately stilled them, keeping her hips from moving anymore than he wanted them to. Her hands slid down his sides and she tried pulling him against her, but it was to no avail. She pulled her lips away from his salty, a sexy whimper begging for more as their eyes met.

Burke easily took her hands from his hips and raised them over her head. He pinned them against the door with one hand as the other hand came back down to caress her skin. He resumed moving inside of her, steady and deep. He dropped searing kisses against her shoulders and neck, working their way upwards.

Her hips remained still as he pushed into her relentlessly, his name an uttered chant on her lips. He silenced her cries with passionate kisses as his hand slid down her body, pausing at her hips to guide them against his. They rocked together in perfect synchrony as his hand slid lower and he tore his lips only a millimeter from hers, wanting to hear her cries almost hysterical with need.

They came together, their cries wafting on the hot air of the room surrounding them. They kissed over and over again, not able to get enough of each other, not wanting to stop. Leaving this room meant returning to reality- one that was unknown to both of them. Neither sure of what would happen next.

Slowly he released her arms and she let them fall limp at her side as he held her. Her body was completely overwhelmed by him and what he did to her. Her eyes drifted closed as his lips brushed hers again, soft and tender. She granted a kiss in return and finally forced herself to pull away. As much as she wanted to and as much as she could easily exist off of a relationship based entirely off of the amazing sex they had- it wasn't what he wanted.

Reluctantly, they pulled their clothes back on, each allowing their eyes to gaze at the body of the other before they were hidden again beneath their scrubs.

Cristina licked her lips a little bit, watching him. She knew what she felt for him, she just knew it wasn't the safest thing to feel. She couldn't get rid of the lingering fear. But to her there was no better feeling than being in his arms, then making love in forbidden places and falling asleep with their bodies pressed together.

She wanted him as much as he wanted her, but she knew that right now she wasn't thinking clearly. Her thoughts were muddied by the very bad, yet oh-so-very good thing they'd just done. Before all of this, it had seemed that he was backing off. That he was waiting for her, but now she couldn't be sure.

"Do you have to think so loudly?" He asked her, their eyes meeting and a small smile crossed his lips.

"You're the only person who seems to hear it." She retorted.

For the ten millionth time since he'd decided that he was going to listen to Meredith's advice, he stopped himself from assuming or knowing anything. He wanted to tell her that it should be a sign that this was supposed to be, but instead after a thoughtful moment his reply was sincere and soft. "I like to think of it as a gift."

Cristina could almost feel her cheeks turning red and she glanced down. Maybe he was changing. "I'm hungry."

"As am I," Burke quickly answered. He wasn't going to give her a chance to think her way out of this.

She sighed a little, pulling open the door. "Fine. You can take me to dinner. But it doesn't mean anything except that I'm hungry."

"Of course not," He answered, once again fighting to disguise a smile. It never ceased to amaze him, the things she did to him. "May I pick you up at the apartment or would you prefer to meet me?"

"You're taking me to dinner. That doesn't involve meeting anywhere. You can pick me up at six." She answered nonchalantly. She was being careful about this, but she certainly wasn't going to go on a date where it felt like they were friends. She could do friends if she wanted to.

Okay, well, she could do friends with benefits if she wanted to.

"Six it is, Dr. Yang." He said with a slight nod. He knew that she loved when he called her by her professional name and though they'd already had a fierce interlude, he loved to make her skin flare with goose bumps at every opportunity that he got.

She ignored the chill in her spine from the tone in his voice and shook her head a little. "Fine."

Burke watched as she walked away from him and he leaned against the doorway of the viewing room with a smile on his face.

He was _definitely_ going to have to revise his schedule to include more marathon surgeries.


	11. Chapter 11

They finally pulled their bodies apart, their skin burning hot and sated from another heated interlude. It seemed as if they couldn't get enough of each other. Each time was better and better. The kisses were hungrier, the touches more passionate.

The release more explosive.

Cristina nearly fell off of him and rolled to her side of the bed, her body racked with a delicious ache that she'd let herself become much too familiar with. He knew her body and what drove her crazy way too well. She loved that he did to her.

She looked over at him with a breathless smile and leaned over to kiss him one more time, never able to satisfy her hunger for him. She hated him for what he did to her sometimes. When he pulled away and started searching for his clothes, she found herself disappointed. He was doing it out of respect to her, but it was starting to become disheartening.

She found herself wanting him to stay.

Burke wasn't exactly sure of how it all started, but he thinks it might have been the sex. It was disgustingly them for it to start with that all over again. History had a way of repeating itself over and over again in their relationship and now was no different.

He wasn't worried about history repeating itself though, he was worried about how far she'd let it go. Burke wanted so much more. He wanted to spend every night with her and go right back to the place that they were in before the wedding. He wanted it all again. He was tired of waiting.

But he was waiting. He had promised to wait as long as she wanted him to wait, and he would.

Though at times, he thought it might kill him before they would get anywhere.

It had started with dinner that night so many weeks ago. She took him home, they slept together and then he left. One night turned into several and several turned into weeks and months of nothing but dates and sleeping together. Not once had he spent the night, not once had he uttered the words that he'd wanted to.

Burke was always holding back.

Cristina watched from her old side of the bed with a lazy grin on her face as he came back into the bedroom. She loved watching him naked. His body was beyond amazing and it was all hers to do whatever she wanted with it. Her eyes skimmed up his powerful legs and over his more intimate parts and then up his abdomen and chest to his well sculpted arms. God, she loved his arms. The way he wrapped them around her as he pushed into her over and over again. The way his huge hands grasped her tiny hips as he pounded into her. Her hands trailed back upwards to the dimple in his chin that she oft found herself kissing as they made love, she continued her upward gaze over his lips and his chiseled features. Their eyes met and she felt a blush rise to her cheeks.

She'd been caught.

He stooped slowly to pick up his jeans and boxers, almost teasing her and she laughed a little, still watching him. She had forgotten how much he could make her laugh. How happy he could make her. He pulled his boxers on slowly, giving her playful looks as he did.

Cristina pouted slowly as the boxers hid everything she'd been visually devouring only moments ago. She rose on her elbows, the sheet sliding from over her chest and she finally spoke, "Am I that repulsive that you have to run the second you can?" she asked quietly.

It's not what she meant to say, but she felt safer saying it that way. She was tired of watching him pull his clothes on and leave. She was tired of spending the night alone in a bed with cold sheets and an empty space that should be his. It was frightening for her, to invite him back into her bed, into that empty space. It was a step she had been afraid of making, but she couldn't take another night alone.

Maybe she would just do it from time to time. Not all the time.

Burke studied her for a long moment before he sat on the bed and reached out to pull the sheet over her chest and cover her once more. "You know that I cannot think when you're uncovered," He said in a low voice. He bent and kiss her softly, barely tasting her lips. "That I cannot think when you are covered." She rose higher for another kiss, but he pulled his lips away from hers, his eyes lingering on hers. "That I cannot think when you're in my arms. When you're in my presence. There are no words for the beauty you possess. You're enchanting."

Cristina looked up at him, her lips slightly parted. He had this way with words that always left her speechless. And of course he hadn't even addressed the whole staying thing. He wanted to make her ask. He wanted to hear her say it.

Damn him.

She curled her fingers around the back of his neck and pulled him to her for a hungry kiss and this time the kiss only broke when she wanted it to. When she pulled back, she let her fingers slide down his shoulder and arm and then finally to rest on his hand. "Shut up and stay." She murmured.

A smile broke out across Burke's face. He couldn't even attempt to hide it. It was a step and it was a step that she was making on her own. Their first time around, he felt that he had to push her into steps, but this time she'd been doing all of it on her own. He was waiting on her and no matter how slow it was, there was progress.

They were still together and they were moving forward.

Burke settled in the bed next to her, their bodies close but not close enough. His hand skimmed her arm, feeling how chilled her skin was. He pulled her close with a smug grin on his face, "You're cold."

She let him hold her, enjoying the comfort of being in his arms once more. "Still have that cuddling problem, huh?" She asked nonchalantly.

"Only when it comes to you." He admitted shamelessly.

"There better not be anyone else that you're cuddling with."

"Never. There will never be anyone else."

"So you intend to be alone and miserable if this doesn't work out?" She asked quietly, her fingers involuntarily tracing the contour of his arm.

He laughed a little, "I know I will be. I'm afraid that you've tainted me for life. Other women are boring. Other women don't keep me on my toes, keep me wondering. If this doesn't work out, I will be alone and miserable for the rest of my life. I'll never find another you."

"Then don't screw this up." She answered softly.

It was the first real glimmer of home that Burke had that they were going to the place he wanted to be in. They'd never really discussed their relationship before tonight. They'd never really discussed the state of their relationship or even what it meant to her. But now he knew.

Burke pulled her closer and he held onto her tightly, his lips brushing against her forehead. He didn't deserve another chance from her, but she was giving it to him. Once she opened up the opportunity he would give her everything that he wanted and he would give it to her the way she wanted it.

Cristina relaxed in his arms, loving and hating how comfortable he was. She didn't know how ready she was for him to stay every night, but tonight felt right. Her eyes drifted closed as his fingers wove through her unruly curls and she smiled a little. "You love me." She uttered softly, his heart beating in her ear as her head rest against his chest.

"Yes." He answered, surprised for the third time this evening. He did not need to hear her say it to know that she did to. He knew he wasn't supposed to be assuming anything and that he was supposed to let her clarify, but this much he knew. "More than I could ever put into words."

She was silent for a long moment, her fingers still tracing as she listened to his heart. It almost seemed to slow as he waited for her response. "Me too." She finally whispered.

"You love yourself?" He teased softly, pushing for a little bit more. He wanted to hear her say it.

"Burke," She said warningly, her voice urging him to stop. She had made enough steps tonight. She wasn't ready to admit it out loud.

He brushed another kiss against her forehead and then let his head fall back against the pillow. "It's okay," He uttered softly. "I have enough love for both of us."


	12. Epilogue

Preston Burke had the perfect life.

For years it had been so frustrating, waiting for her to take steps. Sometimes it seemed like she decided to move several steps forward in a day and then wait six months for anything else. He kept waiting for the next step, waiting for things to move. It was never stagnant- Cristina always kept everything interesting, but he just wanted more.

He was always ready for more.

Things were slow at first. She had opened up, she had asked him to stay and he did so willingly, and maybe a little too much in the beginning. Enough so, that she asked him to go home one night- every night, for almost two weeks before she asked him to stay again. Nearly eight months later, she was complaining about her furniture and saying he should move his in instead. He can remember the way she laughed when he was going to take the old furniture back to his apartment. He'd become so unsure of what she was going to do next that he was actually afraid to give up _his_ apartment.

After they moved in together, the past that he had spent so much time yearning to go back to was nothing more than an afterthought. They had been happier than ever. They found a love in cooking together. Well, he cooked and she teased him mercilessly. Never in his life had Burke burned so many dishes, but he enjoyed ruining every one of them. They'd sit on the couch and drink wine and simply hold each other. Sometimes they'd slow dance in the living room to Etta James and Duke Ellington, their hands sliding over every curve and sensitive spot on each other's bodies until they were aching with a desire that couldn't wait any longer to be fulfilled.

Cristina learned what it truly meant to be _in_ love.

When she finally let him move back into the apartment, she had just assumed that they'd be together whatever and that was that. As she started to receive offers at the end of her residency and she began to take interviews on the opposite coast, she couldn't help but notice a small droop in his shoulders and the happiness seem to fade a little. She didn't understand what was happening until he mentioned maybe finding a new place.

She'd just assumed that he would go with her and when she explained that, she would swear that he'd never held her so tightly in his life. So they chose a weekend, checked out a few places in Boston. By the time they flew home on Monday morning, they were the proud new owners of a townhouse in Boston just a few miles from the new hospital they would call home.

Even though most everything came easily to them, they still had their dark days. Jane had made clear several times over that she would never accept Cristina and it always turned into a vicious argument. Burke was clearly a mama's boy and it took many years for Cristina to finally accept it. The first time she was civil to Jane, it left the haggard old woman speechless. Instead of carrying on about Cristina leaving her barren of grandchildren and wasting her son's life, the woman settled for glaring at her across the table and staying silent.

Despite their newfound life together, Cristina was still insistent upon working too many hours and drinking with Meredith. She still liked red meat and would rather sleep in and just dance around rather than wake up before the sun and jog with Burke. At first he fought her on it, saying he wanted her to live a long and healthy life, to which she retorted some sarcastic comment about joggers being hit by cars and then who would live longer- so he quit pushing so hard. When they'd shop for groceries he'd buy her steak and make it once every couple of weeks instead of not at all. When he'd jog he'd go later and sometimes she'd go with him.

It was astonishing to them that when they just slowed things down how easy compromise was.

Compromise was what led them to marriage. It was Burke who had suggested it, to which Cristina replied 'It's about damn time' and it left him with a silly grin on his face for days after. He bought a smaller ring and asked her to humor him, she said yes. She asked for something simple, maybe not the courthouse but maybe outside and maybe only a few people, and he told her that he'd marry her in a closet if it was what she wanted.

In his vows, he promised that he wasn't going to 'screw it up' and that he'd always be at her side and a lot of eloquent things that she'd never be able to come up with. Originally, she'd planned to use traditional vows, but instead she stopped just before her vows and he was nervous for a moment, wondering if he'd said the wrong things. Instead, she began to speak what she was feeling and despite the fact it was full of stammering and barely audible it was something he'd treasure forever.

It had all started with a cup of coffee. No matter how turbulent and tumultuous and trying it had been, it had started with something simple and it never ceased to amaze him how it led to _this._

He held the love of his life in his arms, stroking his fingers through her soft curls and he smiled to himself. She snored softly and stirred slightly and he laid his beautiful daughter down in her bed and bent and kissed her forehead before leaving her bedroom.

When their bedroom door opened, Cristina dropped her medical journal and jerked the reading glasses from her face with a panic stricken expression. He'd bought them for her weeks ago when he knew that the fine print of the medical journals was becoming too much on her eyes. Instead of telling her to wear them or telling her that it was going to make it harder for her to see in surgery, he merely left a pair on her journals and hoped that she would use them.

"I was wondering when you were coming to bed." She muttered as she casually set the glasses and journal aside.

Biting back a smile at her using the glasses, he instead slid into bed beside her and pulled her into his arms. "I was just thinking." He answered softly.

"What? You can't think with me?" Cristina questioned, her eyes closing as he held her. After all these years, it was amazing the way he felt. She could stay wrapped in his arms forever.

"I told you years ago that it's impossible for me to think in your presence," He murmured before he bent to kiss her softly.

Cristina grinned against his lips, remembering the night clearly. It was the first night she had really asked him to stay. She kissed him back passionately, her fingers sliding up over his cheek and then over the back of his neck. When they pulled away, each recognized the warm gazes and the wandering hands.

Despite the years, nothing had changed.

Burke bent to kiss her softly once more, but she laid a finger over his lips, "Baby?" She murmured softly.

Though he never thought it possible, he _knew_ that he loved her more in this moment than he had the day before or the day before that. "Yes?" He asked just as softly, his eyes lingering on hers and his lips brushing the tips of her fingers.

She smiled up at him softly, almost imperceptibly, that night still lingering in her head. "I love you too."

-end-


End file.
